Mary was my big sister (I was born when she was just over 5 years old) and, had circumstances been different, she would have looked after her baby sister and protected me from the world…
But our birth mother gave us both, and our brother, Mike (Michael), up for adoption or, in Mike’s case, fostering. The choice she made was to our benefit and we all had better lives with the families we knew and called ‘Mum and Dad’.
I became, at the age of 11.5 months, the ‘big sister’ of twin brothers, the natural children of my adopted parents – and, to avoid any issues, we were not told of the adoption until much later.
Mary, Mike, and I didn’t know about each other until Mike (in Australia) and I (then in Canada), now adults, married, and in my case, with an adult child, decided, unilaterally, to find out more. First Mike contacted me, then, slowly, we found Mary and the three of us only started to communicate, via email, about 15 years ago!
I had moved back to the UK in 2007 and was then able to meet Mary and we immediately bonded: we only met face to face a few times, but we talked, and talked, for hours, about everything and nothing, over long telephone conversations. Mike (with his wife, Dawn) was also able to meet Mary, on one of his visits to the UK, but had had numerous email conversations with her. My daughter, Alessia (and her partner, Eric – both living in Canada) have had the pleasure of meeting her aunt, her Uncle Alan, and her two cousins, Matty (and his wife, Monika) and Andy… Our family had grown… happily!
When Mary fell ill, our last conversation was painful: she was searching for her words, even the simple ones, and my heart knew then that my big sister, found so late, was no longer there for me to expose my fears, hopes and frustrations too… My heart was broken – it took me over fifty years to find my sister, I had bonded with her and grown to love her, and then she fell ill to this horrible disease that has, in the end, taken her from us all.
I was brought up Roman Catholic (a condition imposed by our birth mother on the adoption papers), but, over the years, I have become more pagan… Mary is at rest in the Summer Land. I know that she will be happy there, at peace with all those who have gone before, and, one day, we will all join her there. In the interim, I know that, albeit from afar, she will look after the baby sister she only met when we were both ‘old ladies’!
Joanne Marie Jordan (known as Jo)
9th February 2024